Hey everyone! I am back in the saddle again with this blog! I have been away dealing with problems of abundance in my life.
Well, I recieved mixed reviews of my poety :) as I knew I would. One thing is for sure, these writings were a very good reflection of my past... So let's leave it there...
I came across two pieces of old writing recently. One was the poem about Boxes and the other was my Journal from when I lived in Zambia, Africa. Both got me to thinking about how I had changed since the writings. Both reflected feelings of being trapped.
The Africa Journal is 23 years old. I was 21 years old when I wrote it and the Boxes poem was written 9 years ago...But there is a common thread in these two "stories" ... That common thread... I had been people pleasing to be loved... This brought to me the revelation that this has been lifelong... I have been so afraid of being alone my entire life that I would do anything to get people to love me which has resulted in a series of compartmentalized life segments and some very dangerous situations. Not to say there wasn't some wonderful experiences along the way but I can't help wonder what would have happened if I had followed my bliss this entire time.
I have spent my entire life trying to fit into a one box or another... The box of my parents and granparents, The box of religious fundamentalism, The military box, The gay box, The drug/ party boy box, on and on and on... I can't think of any moment before last year where I was living my life just for me, for what I wanted my mark to be.
The biggest relief to me is that the living outside these boxes isn't the lonely scary place I thought it was. True, doing my own thing means doing it alone many times (or with my four legged companions) but it hasn't been scary or unbearable lonely. For the most part, there is a new excitement and freshness to everything I do. The light and love that I have lamented about not having (as witnessed in much of what I write) was hiding deep within me all the time. And the only way I have found this out is by choosing to go my own way regardless of the perceived costs...
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
A Little Poetry
I have been working my ass off over the past few weeks so not much time to write. So to keep it interesting here is some poetry from my past. If you have known me for any length of time try to quess when I wrote some of this. some of it is good, some of it is bad, some of it is a bit naughty :), some of it is very maudlin.... so here we go...
Leo Rising (The Morning of Me)
by Daddy Oz
What do you do when your life is suddenly your own…
You wait…
What do you do when time is your only asset…
You wait…
What do you do when the Buddha within has gone without…
You wait… You hold on…
What do you do when that thought of not being present is your only feeling,,,
You wait… You hold on…
For as long as it takes…
The ultimate dawn, the brightest morning, always comes after the darkness…
If you have the courage to wait… and hold on…
Forget no more and remember forever that this “meantime” is in preparation for that bright clear morning….
And as is Truth…
Joy Comes In The Morning!
______
Beauty Truth and Love: 2003 Remix
By Daddy Oz
Let me take you on a journey…into sound? (No, that barrier is broken!)
Like moths to a flame that burns with desire…
Vanilla Sky no more… The rainbow connection is back…
Forged in fire…In the belly…
Full… a concrete primal manifestation of God’s love…
Forged in fire… In the eyes…
Blinding, Crystal Clear… the portal to all there is…
And all their ever was…
Forged in fire…In that imaginary hell of our parents…
One night in heaven to the rest of us! Peace.
The place between the noise.
______
When Pigs Fly and Other Little Known Truths
By Daddy Oz
Take away the matrix of this industrialized… information age (no one said the information was accurate)…
Take away the animal hides on our backs… Unabashed nakedness is the new black (and blue if needed my dear)…
Now, use that atrophied sensory mechanism… that primitive radar for pure desire… Snout to the wind……
What are you picking up? Sweat, Piss, Ass, Cum, Crisco, Rubber, Leather, Grunts, Primal Scream, Pain, Pain, Pain, Release, Bliss, Love…
Ours for the taking… but most of all sharing…Words are pointless now… Go Be…
BE… BEAUTIFUL!
_____
Beautiful Boy
Sitting on the floor playing with blocks and bottles
I create new world’s and visit other dimensions
My mind is clear, limitless, and pure.
I smile; I cry; I feel… completely.
I am free! I am me!
I am a beautiful boy.
Sitting on the floor with my boxes and bills
I review the world of my creation with no thought of anything else
My mind is numb, finite, and vacant.
I rarely smile; I cry-never…just let me sleep.
I am “not-present”. I am… invisible.
I am a beautiful boy…but no one knows it.
Sitting on the floor with knives and pills
I am at the edge of a different world; new? brave?
My mind is crowded, the voices loud and harmful.
I smile because this has become my shield my fear “hider”
I am paralyzed! I am… almost done.
I am a beautiful boy… but I don’t believe it.
Sitting on the floor with… just sitting on the floor
I am adrift
My mind is in neutral… neutralized?
No emotions. No expressions.
I am a coward.
Sitting on the floor with rubber missiles and gear grease
I smile; I cry; I release and let go!
I can see freedom again. I am still here.
I am a beautiful boy
________
Illuminators
Illuminators, former Shaman of the Night People, I have sent out a beacon beyond all time and space for your return to this insignificant spot in the universe. Your pure self- conscious love energy that enfolded us and held us so safely is needed again.
My brothers and I did not understand the responsibilities that went with such power. After all, we were just infants ourselves, the first of earth’s receivers of the gift.
Almost five years has passed since the implosion of the “Bubble” and my brothers and I are collectively lost. I can’t reach my brothers alone because my words are not credible. In the name of self- preservation, I exchanged the Truth…Replaced it with fast food spirituality and the work ethic of the great White Conquerors.
I evoke you gently to return not out of nostalgia, not out of an addicts craving for whatever gets you through the night. My request is one of salvation for a small but incredibly powerful, pure, and fragile subset of humanity.
Return and begin again to teach us gently about the Light within. Place in our spirit the keys, symbols, and language of the Light. (For we have proven by our current predicament that structure is still needed in this earth school.) And place in our intuition, the Light sharing mechanism , unique to each of us, that will set others free and in the process free us.
We have seen enough darkness to last 1,000 lifetimes. The time is now to Illuminate!
And so it is!
Leo Rising (The Morning of Me)
by Daddy Oz
What do you do when your life is suddenly your own…
You wait…
What do you do when time is your only asset…
You wait…
What do you do when the Buddha within has gone without…
You wait… You hold on…
What do you do when that thought of not being present is your only feeling,,,
You wait… You hold on…
For as long as it takes…
The ultimate dawn, the brightest morning, always comes after the darkness…
If you have the courage to wait… and hold on…
Forget no more and remember forever that this “meantime” is in preparation for that bright clear morning….
And as is Truth…
Joy Comes In The Morning!
______
Beauty Truth and Love: 2003 Remix
By Daddy Oz
Let me take you on a journey…into sound? (No, that barrier is broken!)
Like moths to a flame that burns with desire…
Vanilla Sky no more… The rainbow connection is back…
Forged in fire…In the belly…
Full… a concrete primal manifestation of God’s love…
Forged in fire… In the eyes…
Blinding, Crystal Clear… the portal to all there is…
And all their ever was…
Forged in fire…In that imaginary hell of our parents…
One night in heaven to the rest of us! Peace.
The place between the noise.
______
When Pigs Fly and Other Little Known Truths
By Daddy Oz
Take away the matrix of this industrialized… information age (no one said the information was accurate)…
Take away the animal hides on our backs… Unabashed nakedness is the new black (and blue if needed my dear)…
Now, use that atrophied sensory mechanism… that primitive radar for pure desire… Snout to the wind……
What are you picking up? Sweat, Piss, Ass, Cum, Crisco, Rubber, Leather, Grunts, Primal Scream, Pain, Pain, Pain, Release, Bliss, Love…
Ours for the taking… but most of all sharing…Words are pointless now… Go Be…
BE… BEAUTIFUL!
_____
Beautiful Boy
Sitting on the floor playing with blocks and bottles
I create new world’s and visit other dimensions
My mind is clear, limitless, and pure.
I smile; I cry; I feel… completely.
I am free! I am me!
I am a beautiful boy.
Sitting on the floor with my boxes and bills
I review the world of my creation with no thought of anything else
My mind is numb, finite, and vacant.
I rarely smile; I cry-never…just let me sleep.
I am “not-present”. I am… invisible.
I am a beautiful boy…but no one knows it.
Sitting on the floor with knives and pills
I am at the edge of a different world; new? brave?
My mind is crowded, the voices loud and harmful.
I smile because this has become my shield my fear “hider”
I am paralyzed! I am… almost done.
I am a beautiful boy… but I don’t believe it.
Sitting on the floor with… just sitting on the floor
I am adrift
My mind is in neutral… neutralized?
No emotions. No expressions.
I am a coward.
Sitting on the floor with rubber missiles and gear grease
I smile; I cry; I release and let go!
I can see freedom again. I am still here.
I am a beautiful boy
________
Illuminators
Illuminators, former Shaman of the Night People, I have sent out a beacon beyond all time and space for your return to this insignificant spot in the universe. Your pure self- conscious love energy that enfolded us and held us so safely is needed again.
My brothers and I did not understand the responsibilities that went with such power. After all, we were just infants ourselves, the first of earth’s receivers of the gift.
Almost five years has passed since the implosion of the “Bubble” and my brothers and I are collectively lost. I can’t reach my brothers alone because my words are not credible. In the name of self- preservation, I exchanged the Truth…Replaced it with fast food spirituality and the work ethic of the great White Conquerors.
I evoke you gently to return not out of nostalgia, not out of an addicts craving for whatever gets you through the night. My request is one of salvation for a small but incredibly powerful, pure, and fragile subset of humanity.
Return and begin again to teach us gently about the Light within. Place in our spirit the keys, symbols, and language of the Light. (For we have proven by our current predicament that structure is still needed in this earth school.) And place in our intuition, the Light sharing mechanism , unique to each of us, that will set others free and in the process free us.
We have seen enough darkness to last 1,000 lifetimes. The time is now to Illuminate!
And so it is!
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