Be Kind To Each Other

This last week has been an interesting one, full of love and death. I want to pontificate about how life is precious and how it is still possible to find love blah blah blah, but with the sudden death of two acquaintances and the sudden possiblility of romance in my life after a long dry spell all I can muster is to say Be Kind To Each Other and Yourself.

We don't know how much time we have and we definitely don't know when love might be around the corner in the most unlikely form. Let's not live our lives in "quite desperation" as Thoreau laments that most men do in his masterpiece, Walden. Let's celebrate this precious life we have been given in every moment.

You will be missed John and George. I can't wait to see what is next Tre!

Clinton VS. Obama

Well after watching the Super Tuesday returns last night and staying up long enough to see Clinton (I will not refer to her as Hillary. I think it is disrespectful.) take California I am no closer to my primary decision. I am just glad that for the first time in years Texas gets to help make the decision in the democratic primary.

I am not one to make decisions on emotion like I did in my twenties and thirties. I actually try to review the facts and make an informed decision now, especially in this important election year.

I listen to Clinton's ideas and attention to detail (which many bash her for) and I see a president who will leave nothing to chance. I listen to Obama's passion and try to shoot holes in is message for lack of substance and find that he too has a solid plan. And this is why I am torn.

I care less about the historical significance of this nomination (and it is amazing!) but more about how to get back to the prosperity and peace we all once enjoyed not to long ago. I see Obama as a true change agent for good and I feel an obligation to Clinton because I remember the life I enjoyed when her family had the reins in the 1990's.

The good news is we can't go wrong with either choice.

Post Gay Dating

Lately, I have been trying to date (not just hook up) after a couple of years being single. I finally seem to have some idea about what I want in a relationship and what I can offer.

The good news is that I am a much cooler together guy than I ever thought I could be. I have become someone that I would like to hang out with and I am not the dumbest thing on two feet. Most of my friends, medical professionals, and self-help books point to how healthy this state of mind is but I have to wonder...

A problem I see with this new "together" me is how comfortable I have become alone. I no longer feel that nagging loneliness that used to force me to search for "Mr. Right" in a blinding procession of "Mr. Right Now's". I am quite content going to movies, dog parks, plays, and other social events alone. I have also become good at "scratching that itch" of sexual need when it comes up. But thankfuly, at 44, that urge is under control also (although I was informed by an aquantance of mine at a party this weekend that that made me a slut. Wow, if he only new me when).

But there are still those times that I want to turn to someone and share something funny with them, steal a kiss from them, or just have that secure feeling of another fellow traveler. And when I realize it is just me and the dogs I don't really get sad but there is that feeling of extra space where something else should be. The only conclusion that I can consistently draw from this, as independent as I have become, is that sharing my life with someone, the right someone this time, would be a really good thing. So off I have gone into the dating world... reluctantly.

I quess the only thing that surprises me is how unavailable everyone is, even when they claim to be looking for what you are looking for. The type of men I have been meeting are as follows:

• Partnered but wanting a little marital aid on the side
• Single, think I am "a catch" but in the long run just wanted in my pants (I am partially to blame here because of my past behavior and I have lived in the same city for 20 years).
• The " I want a relationship" guy but who has just had his heart broken and our timing is off.
• Active drug users who remember me from my past and just want sex and can't understand why I am not interested. I sometimes get called alot of names by them.
• Narrow minded people who judge me based on decade old information. Good thing I don't get my self-worth from others...
• Internet dating - Oh my God! Don't do this! It is either hook-up central, scared shy introverts who would crumble if you said Bo! to them, and sophmoric little boys who get their jollies playing games with you with no intention of ever meeting you. Like I have said in another post CRYSTAL METH AND CRAIG'S LIST HAS DESTROYED DATING!
• Just in for the weekend! to paraphrase Harvey F. in Torch Song Trilogy.

Anyway, you get the picture. It is almost enough to turn me into that cranky old man that lives alone with his dogs and 17 cats and yells at the neighbor kids. But I don't go that way...

You see, I remember. I remember my first love and my first relationship that lasted 7 years. I remember the love, the friendship, the "Just being There" feeling. I also remember the wonder ful young men that I have dated properly thru the years, especially, pre-Circuit Me... I remember the potential and what still could be...

In the meantime... I will continue to wade through the crap... keep "Becoming"... and thank the gods when I do find him...

Come to think of it...maybe I am in a healthy state of mind... Off to walk Sophie and Betty!

Family