Post Gay Dating

Lately, I have been trying to date (not just hook up) after a couple of years being single. I finally seem to have some idea about what I want in a relationship and what I can offer.

The good news is that I am a much cooler together guy than I ever thought I could be. I have become someone that I would like to hang out with and I am not the dumbest thing on two feet. Most of my friends, medical professionals, and self-help books point to how healthy this state of mind is but I have to wonder...

A problem I see with this new "together" me is how comfortable I have become alone. I no longer feel that nagging loneliness that used to force me to search for "Mr. Right" in a blinding procession of "Mr. Right Now's". I am quite content going to movies, dog parks, plays, and other social events alone. I have also become good at "scratching that itch" of sexual need when it comes up. But thankfuly, at 44, that urge is under control also (although I was informed by an aquantance of mine at a party this weekend that that made me a slut. Wow, if he only new me when).

But there are still those times that I want to turn to someone and share something funny with them, steal a kiss from them, or just have that secure feeling of another fellow traveler. And when I realize it is just me and the dogs I don't really get sad but there is that feeling of extra space where something else should be. The only conclusion that I can consistently draw from this, as independent as I have become, is that sharing my life with someone, the right someone this time, would be a really good thing. So off I have gone into the dating world... reluctantly.

I quess the only thing that surprises me is how unavailable everyone is, even when they claim to be looking for what you are looking for. The type of men I have been meeting are as follows:

• Partnered but wanting a little marital aid on the side
• Single, think I am "a catch" but in the long run just wanted in my pants (I am partially to blame here because of my past behavior and I have lived in the same city for 20 years).
• The " I want a relationship" guy but who has just had his heart broken and our timing is off.
• Active drug users who remember me from my past and just want sex and can't understand why I am not interested. I sometimes get called alot of names by them.
• Narrow minded people who judge me based on decade old information. Good thing I don't get my self-worth from others...
• Internet dating - Oh my God! Don't do this! It is either hook-up central, scared shy introverts who would crumble if you said Bo! to them, and sophmoric little boys who get their jollies playing games with you with no intention of ever meeting you. Like I have said in another post CRYSTAL METH AND CRAIG'S LIST HAS DESTROYED DATING!
• Just in for the weekend! to paraphrase Harvey F. in Torch Song Trilogy.

Anyway, you get the picture. It is almost enough to turn me into that cranky old man that lives alone with his dogs and 17 cats and yells at the neighbor kids. But I don't go that way...

You see, I remember. I remember my first love and my first relationship that lasted 7 years. I remember the love, the friendship, the "Just being There" feeling. I also remember the wonder ful young men that I have dated properly thru the years, especially, pre-Circuit Me... I remember the potential and what still could be...

In the meantime... I will continue to wade through the crap... keep "Becoming"... and thank the gods when I do find him...

Come to think of it...maybe I am in a healthy state of mind... Off to walk Sophie and Betty!